


Does It Matter?

by CatsoftheApocalypse



Series: The One with the Supernatural Boys [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel drives a rap-video location, F/M, Gadreel needs Love, Shameless Smut, a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:03:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3061946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatsoftheApocalypse/pseuds/CatsoftheApocalypse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were Commander Cas' hunter-liason, helping him out with anything more human or hunter-related. That means you were also present when he had important meetings.<br/>You had heard everything that had happened with Gadreel. Sam, Kevin,... But when you met him face to face as Cas talked to him, you just knew he wasn't a bad person. More like a victim of circumstance. And you ended up falling for him.</p><p>----------</p><p>While there was an imagine on Dirty Supernatural Imagines about the whole "Gadreel is reluctant and then the bed shudders" thing (http://dirtysupernaturalimagines.tumblr.com/post/98921411501/source), I did not list it as my original imagine when I submitted it there, because I did not have that in mind when I started writing this, I only added it as an afterthought. But I thought it shouldn't go completely unmentioned, so here it is...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Does It Matter?

He wheezed in a breath and tried to scramble away as he saw us approach.  
“Please!!! I’ll leave you alone… I swear…” the fear in his voice nearly broke my heart. I shoved past Cas and knelt by Gadreel, resting his head in my lap and soothingly stroking his temples as Cas calmly spoke to him.  
“We’re not here to hurt you.” he said, then reaching out, two fingers extended.  
“No.” Gadreel said, trying to pull away from Castiel’s reach. I held him down gently, but with determination. “Your grace. Healing me will only weaken you.” he continued. That worried me as well,. but I did not want Gadreel to die either. I glanced up at Cas, who hesitated briefly, frowning, before healing him anyway. The wound on his chest sealed shut and he could breathe more easily. Cas, on the other hand, was struggling not to collapse.  
“You alright, Cas?” I asked cautiously. Gadreel was watching him as well. He gave me a curt nod, turning back to Gadreel, who asked:  
“Did you hear him?”  
I frowned, as did Sam.  
“Metatron? Yes. Where is he? What does he want?”  
“I’m afraid… Humanity.”  
“Hang on a sec!” I piped up. Gadreel, still leaning against me, looked up at me as if seeing me for the first time. He probably never really took notice when we met before. Why should he? “Would you mind filling Sam and me in, oh Shining Ones?” Sarcasm was my default when I felt uncomfortable. Not that Gadreel’s proximity made me uncomfortable. At all. The lack of meaning I suspected it held for him did, though.  
“Metatron broadcast a message over angel radio.” Cas explained.  
“What did he say?” Sam asked.  
“He was not very specific.”  
Cas did not show any signs of planning to elaborate further.  
“Guys… as much as I love the outdoors, we should get back to the bunker. This is not exactly safe, location-wise.”I pointed out.  
Sam and Cas went back to the car and I was left to help Gadreel up. The wound was perfectly healed, but he had still lost a lot of blood. He was weak, and I had no problem with letting him use my shoulders to lean on and stabilize himself. We got into the backseat and Cas started driving.  
“Sam, could you hand me what’s in the glove compartment, please?” I asked, while eyeing Gadreel from the side.  
“Sure.” Sam said, opening the compartment. He raised an eyebrow, looking back at me. “Moist towelettes?”  
“Yes. Problem?”  
“Why do you keep those here?”  
“Because I like to clean my hands after I eat in the car, stupid. Just hand them over, will ya?”  
He did, and I climbed into Gadreel’s lap, facing him. Sam and Gadreel stared at me, Cas frowning in the rearview mirror.  
“F/N… What are you doing?” Sam asked.  
“He needs to get rid of all that blood. This car is less suspicious with a girl sitting on a guy’s knees in the back than with a guy covered in blood. Now shut up and look out the window.” He did as I asked, and I turned to my task. “What?” Gadreel was still staring at me intently, asking:  
“Do you realize I could clean myself of this blood in the blink of an eye, should I so desire?”  
I smiled at his words.  
“Yes, I do. However, something big is ahead of us, and maybe, just maybe, it’s better you and Cas save as much of your angel-mojo as possible for what’s coming. What do you think?”  
“It would appear you were his second in command for a reason. You seem quite wise.”  
“I wasn’t his second in command.” That was true. I had just stuck with him through all of this to make contact with the Brothers easier, and possibly straighten out tensions with other hunters, in case it came to any run-ins. “Just the resident hunter. Now shut up and hold still.”  
Gadreel was silent and I began wiping his face wit a towelette. His brows furrowed as he watched my every move. When Cas suddenly hit a pothole, Gadreels hands shot forward, grabbing my hips tight to prevent me from slipping off his knees to the ground. I took in a gasp as Cas murmured a low “my apologies” from the driver’s seat. He did not remove his hands again, instead pulling my just a tiny bit closer. I smiled.  
“Now, let me have a look at the rest of you.” I shoved the leather jacket off his shoulders, Sam coughing in my back. “Would you take your shirt off for a moment, please?” Now Sam nearly choked. “Oh, shut it, Sammy.”  
“I didn’t say anything.”  
“Your actions spoke volumes.” I turned back to the task at hand, and silence fell. It took a while, but at some point, Cas and Sam started discussing among themselves how to persuade Dean not to attack Gadreel again. Gadreel himself kept watching me, hands still on my  hips, and I had started humming a tune that had reminded me of Gadreel and our whole situation for a while now.  
“Put on your war paint.” I whispered, wiping the last of his blood from the fallen angels warm, sculpted chest.  
“What?” he asked, voice just as low as mine.  
“Nothing. just a song.”  
“Of what sort?” he kept asking.  
“It’s not important, really.” I insisted.  
“Yet, I would like to know anyway.”  
I sighed.  
“Alright. Superficially speaking, it’s a song about war. But it means many things. To me… Different lines remind me of different people and situations. At one point, in the chorus, it says >We can take the world back from a heart attack, one maniac at a time, we will take it back.< I firmly believe in that. Metatron is nothing but a maniac, and we will take the world, or worlds, back from him, overcoming what he did. We will fight. Always. It’s in our nature.”  
“That sounds honorable.”  
“Does it? I would like to think of it like that, but I’m not sure if it’s true. Sometimes I just feel selfish. And afraid.”  
“You are not selfish. You have a better sense of honor than I ever could have. Out of the two of us, I am the one who is truly selfish.”  
“I know.”  
Gadreel looked down, hurt by my blunt words.  
“No, wait.” I continued, lifting his gaze by pulling his face up again, a finger under his chin. “Hear me out.” He stared into my eyes, waiting. “I know you’re selfish. But I also see why. You made a mistake, a long time ago. You’ve been imprisoned, punished, tortured for it endlessly. For millennia. And you want to prove your worth. To show that you’re more than just the one who let the serpent enter the garden. But I already know there’s good in you.” I put my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat quickly, but evenly under my palm. “You see, even Cas up front, who is one of the best people I know, has made mistakes. Pretty big ones, as it is. Yet, people keep seeing the good in him. Just like I see yours.”  
“Is there… something in your song about me?” he asked, almost as if afraid of the answer. A small smile appeared on my lips and I began slowly, tenderly moving my fingertips across his chest.  
“There is.”  
“What is it?”  
“Stick around, and you just might find out.” I winked.  
“I don’t understand.”  
“What exactly?”  
“Why are you kind to me? I see that I can be useful to your cause, but I did not expect to be treated kindly.”  
“Why should you not be?”  
“For many reasons. Because of Kevin.”  
I swallowed hard, tears pricking at my eyes.  
“I see.”  
“He was you friend, too.”  
“Yes. He was. And I miss him. I think I always will. But I blame Metatron for his death, not you.”  
“He died at my hands.” Gadreel insisted. I was starting to feel like he wanted me to hate him.  
“That may be true. And I may never be able to forget that.”  
He looked down again. I transferred my hand from his chest to his cheek.  
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t forgive it.”  
At that, his eyes lit up just a bit. I moved to sit next to him again.  
“Please put your shirt back on and zip up your jacket, before Sam dies in his seat.”  
  
~~~~~~~~~~Le Time Skip~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As Gadreel kept ranting about “the mission”, I grew desperate. A sick feeling grew in my gut, telling me he was just about to do something stupid.  
“Hannah! Let me out!” I yelled. “Hannah! Did I, personally, ever do anything to deserve your mistrust?”  
She looked at me, doubtfully.  
“Not exactly…”  
“Then let me out! I just need to get to Gadreel. You know I won’t run away. I would not know where to go anyway. I just need to see him. Face to face. Please.”  
Reluctantly, she unlocked my cell. I dashed out, ripping the keys from her hand. Gadreel stood in his own cell facing the bars, and told Cas to go to the other side of his. He then raised a sharp tool in his hand and, looking at Hannah, told her:  
“Run, sister. F/N, you as well.”  
He closed his eyes and Hannah ran down the hall, but I had just managed to unlock the cell. I bolted in, jumping between Gadreel’s chest, where he had carved a sigil that was showing in the bright crimson of his blood, and his armed hand that quickly descended towards it. An excruciating pain suddenly radiated from the left side of my own chest, but I found myself unable to scream as I fell to the floor.  
“NO!!!” Gadreel bellowed. He knelt beside me, his fearful face entering my line of sight.  
“What’s happening?” Cas demanded from his cell, and I saw Hannah grab the keys from the lock, where I had left them, and disappear. Shortly thereafter she came back, with Cas in tow.  
“Do you believe him now?” I heard him ask as I coughed up some blood.  
“Why? Why did you do that?” Gadreel whispered. I gathered all my strength and willpower, still coughing blood, and raised my hand to his cheek where it hovered above me.  
“You don’t have to sacrifice your life to redeem yourself.” I said through the coppery taste in my mouth. I wiped my thumb across his cheek, where an actual tear had appeared.  
“Heal her!” Gadreel demanded, looking up at he other two. I felt somebody come closer, but darkness rapidly enveloped me, my hand fell from Gadreel’s face, and I lost consciousness.  
  
There was a stale taste in my mouth when I woke up. I opened my eyes and examined my surroundings. How did I get back to the bunker? The last thing I remembered was-  
“Gadreel!” I called out, sitting up straight. He was at my side in a flash.  
“What is it?” he asked, frantic. “Are you in pain?”  
I threw my arms around him and hid my face at his chest.  
“No.” I mumbled. “I just… Everything was a little fuzzy and… I thought you were dead for a moment there…”  
Hesitantly, he patted my back.  
“I am well. you jumped between the blade and my body.” He then proceeded to detach me from his chest in order to look down on me with a stern expression. “Why did you do that? You nearly got yourself killed, F/N. Your blood would have been on my hands…”  
I looked into his eyes and shook my head.  
“What was I supposed to do? Let you sacrifice yourself for the greater good? For that blasted mission of yours? I couldn’t do that.”  
“It was my only chance to redeem myself. And I ended up almost killing you in the process. I couldn’t even heal you myself.”  
He hung his head in shame and tried to move away, but I pulled him even closer.  
“I told you. Before I passed out, I mean. You don’t have to sacrifice your life to redeem yourself. Cas has told you you were redeemed. The only person that has not forgiven you that really matters is yourself. I couldn’t let you go without seeing that. Without seeing you are loved.”  
His head snapped up.  
“Loved?”  
I swallowed, realizing what I had let slip out. Well, there was nothing for it now. I might as well stick with it.  
“Yes.” I nodded.  
“Why would you say that?” he asked, doubt filling his eyes, along with just a hint of fear.  
I softly laid my hands on both sides of his neck and pulled him in for a small, short breath of a kiss. He did not resist my attempt, but he did not reciprocate it either. I broke away and leaned my forehead against his.  
“Because it’s true.” I whispered.  
His eyes stared into mine in wonder.  
“But how?”  
“I wouldn’t know. All I know is it’s how I feel.”  
“I can’t believe it. I don’t – I don’t deserve it.”  
I slightly shook my head at his incredulity.  
“Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. I tend to favor the first option. And I know you need it. It’s okay if it’s not me, though…”  
Moving away from him, I felt the fear of rejection creeping into me. Gadreel caught me around the waist as I started to slide back on the bed.  
“Wait.” he said. “If – If there’s anyone I want to feel this way for me, anyone I feel this for, it is you. No one else.” He inched his face closer to mine again, but hesitated, so I closed the distance and my lips met his in another sweet, hopeful kiss.  
I leaned back on the bed, pulling him with me. His body covered mine, resting on his elbows, and y hands lay on his back. When we had to break the kiss to breathe, we just looked into each other’s eyes for a while.  
“I can’t believe it either, you know?” I whispered.  
“What?” he asked, his voice equally low.  
“That you – I never thought you would return my feelings to any degree. I’m just human.”  
“That is exactly why you move my heart, I think.” He nuzzled my neck as he spoke, and I tangled my hands in his hair. “Your goodness, hope, and kind heart. All very human. All very you.”  
I could not suppress a giggle.  
“That’s quite cheesy, you know?”  
“Yet it is true. But none of these qualities apply to me. I truly don’t know why you harbor feelings for me.”  
“You’re joking, right?!?” I pulled him away from my neck to face me. “It’s as I told you back in the car when we picked you up. You made a mistake. and a whole lot of bad choices afterwards. But you did your best. You did what you thought was the right thing. And today, it actually was. Now, I don’t know how God thinks about all this, and quite frankly, I don’t care, but to me, you have paid enough. You deserve some happiness. And I’d love to help with that. If you really want me to.”  
“How could I not?” he said, before lowering his lips to mine in another kiss. This one was different than either f the others. He kissed me urgently, fuelled by love, desire, need, and even the pain his imprisonment had left burning within him. I returned his kiss with equal fervor.  
My hands started to wander from his head to his back and then to his chest, where I unzipped the leather jacket hi still wore, to find only bare skin. The tattered shirt he wore earlier was long gone, and the sigil he had carved into his vessels flesh was just a faint outline. He was healing himself. Soon those scars would disappear as well.  
While I was trailing the muscles of his chest with my fingertips as we kept kissing, Gadreel started to gather a little more courage of his own. One hand still supporting his weight above me, the other traced down my side, across my ribs, to the bottom edge of my tank top. There it disappeared under the fabric. I felt his warm hand tenderly moving across my skin, wandering higher, slowly pushing the top up.  
Soon, I could not bear it anymore. I wanted to see more of him, feel more.  
“Take off your clothes.” I pleaded. He just stared at me, slightly shocked. “Please?” I added for his benefit. He sat up on his heels to shrug off the jacket and toss is across the room, then moving to, after kicking off his shoes and socks, take his pants off as well. Since the same rules should apply to everyone, I rose as well, pulling the tank over my head and proceeding to remove my pants. My shoes stood next to the bed already, so after kicking off my socks, I was left in nothing but my bra and panties, Gadreel in only his boxers, as we marveled at each others forms.  
He ran his fingers down my arm.  
“You don’t even know how glorious you are, do you?” he asked. I let my lips ghost over his before replying.  
“Look who’s talking.”  
He placed both his hands on my waist, pulling me closer, as I trailed kisses from the corner of his mouth across his jaw and down his neck to his chest. The lower my lips wandered, the tighter his fingers dug into my flesh, but then his hands started to roam. They moved up to my bra, unclasping it after a little trouble, and I gladly shrugged the straps off my shoulders so he could throw the useless piece of cloth as far away as possible. His large, calloused hands then reluctantly covered my breasts, softly kneading the tender mounds just the way I liked it. I moaned against his skin in pleasure as I continued to let my lips wander down his torso. I pushed him down to lie on the mattress, then letting my fingers travel ahead, down his stomach, barely touching the fine trail of hair that disappeared into his boxers, my mouth in their wake. He was definitely enjoying this, judging from the way his erection strained against the light blue fabric. To help out with that, I removed said fabric, dropping it off the edge of the bed.  
He groaned when my tongue danced across his tip before I took him into my mouth. Bobbing my head along his shaft, I let my tongue ripple across the veins I could feel under the sensitive skin. I continued my ministrations for a while, delighting in the moans of pleasure they drew from him. That is, until he drew in a sharp breath and spoke.  
“F/N, stop.” he said.  
I raised my head from his manhood and crawled up his body, my face hovering above his. He looked desperate and pained.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked softly.  
“I don’t think I can do this.” he stated.  
“Why?”  
“It’s just so… intense. The sensations, the things you do… They are overwhelming. It reminds me…” he trailed off.  
“Reminds you of what?” I pushed a bit. He looked away, bashful. I cupped his cheek with my right hand and forced him to look at me again. “You can tell me. It’s alright.”  
“It reminds me of my imprisonment.” he whispered.  
Well, that was unexpected.  
“How?”  
“I do not know… It’s… not unpleasant. At all. On the contrary. But, as I said, it is so intense. When I was locked up in Heaven for all this time, and tortured on occasion, all the anger and pain… They burned within me with the same intensity. They still do. I would not wish those thoughts and memories to be connected to you.”  
“Then let them go. Once you do that, you will be alright.”  
He nodded, still reluctant, and I lowered my lips to his. As our tongues mingled, I felt my own need growing, so I positioned one of his hands between my legs.  
“Please.” I breathed, breaking away.  
My plea was encouragement enough, and he began to softly stroke me through the lacy fabric, while my hands roamed his torso again, our lips melting against each other. Soon I found my throat releasing sounds I never thought myself capable of before.  
“Please, -“ I gasped as I interrupted another long kiss for want of oxygen “- please, Gadreel. I need you. Closer. More.”  
He smiled against my lips, giving the lace a firm tug that ripped the seams, quickly disposing of the rag. When his hand returned to my exposed wetness, I was nearly overwhelmed with pleasure and hid my face at his shoulder. My knees, positioned to both sides of his hips, threatened to give out as he slowly pushed a finger into me, his thumb circling the delicate bundle of nerves at my core. He began pumping his finger in and out of me, soon adding a second, and a third, and I had to sink my teeth into his skin to stop from screaming out my pleasure. Just a little while later, I felt my walls constricting as I hit the peak.  
When I slowly came down from my high, his fingers still at work within me, I kissed a trail from his shoulder to his ear, whispering when I arrived there:  
“How do you feel about this now? Will you let me do for you what you just did for me?”  
Moving to his lips, I waited for his reply.  
“Yes.” he rasped out, removing his hand from my nether regions.  
I gave him a short kiss before sitting up straight. With one hand, I reached between us, guiding him into the right position, the other one, supporting my balance, resting on his sculpted chest. We both let out a long moan of delight as I sank down on him. He stretched me perfectly, the feeling exquisite. I set a slow, almost delicate pace, all the while keeping my eyes locked with Gadreel’s to judge his expression. He just held my gaze as I ground our hips together, lifting myself off him before taking him back in completely.  
When he suddenly moved, I initially feared he could not bear the intense sensations after all, but instead of removing himself from my body he stayed buried deep within me, merely flipping us over so he was on top. He kissed me hungrily, keeping a similar pace as I had before. Soon enough, the coil in my stomach began to tighten for the second time tonight. I wrapped my legs around his waist, taking him in even deeper as he hit my sweet spot with each thrust. Our heavy breathing echoed in my room, the light of the bedside lamp making both our skin shine and glimmer under a thin sheen of sweat.  
“Gadreel!” I moaned loudly, raking my nails down his arms.  
He just hummed in delight, leaning his forehead against mine. Increasing the pace, my back arching up with each of his thrusts, the coil winding tighter and tighter, he began to repeatedly whisper my name against my lips. My vision began to blur around the edges, his eyes becoming my only point of focus, just as his thrusts became less timed, more erratic, still hitting that spot, though. I knew we were both close. So close. What pushed me over the edge was when, in addition to everything else, his lips found the sensitive spot where my neck and my collarbone met, and he began to alternately nibble and suck, leaving what I was sure would be the mother of all hickeys.  
My body finally caved after a few more thrusts, my arms pulling his chest closer, my legs locking his hips in place, buried as deep as he could reach. My climax triggered his, and I felt his heat spill deep inside of me, both of us calling our pleasure out loud through the empty hallways, his whole body trembling so much the bed shook with the vibrations.  
My arms and legs weakening in the aftermath, he gave a few more lazy strokes as we both rode out the last waves of our orgasms, before he lay on his back next to me.  
It took us rather long to catch our breath, but when I could speak again, I could not help asking him:  
“You feeling okay?”  
“Very much so.” he chuckled.  
I nuzzled his neck.  
“No too intense then?”  
“Oh, believe me, it was intense beyond my imagination. But nothing I could not handle.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. “In fact -“ here he was interrupted.  
“F/N!!!” Sam’s voice called out to me. He sounded desperate, possibly as if he had been crying.  
“Shit.” I cursed. I had been so caught up in Gadreel that I had actually and completely forgotten both the Winchesters and Cas being out there to save the world. Again. In my defense, though, I almost died a few hours ago. I didn’t regret what had just happened, but the timing could have been better.  
I scrambled off the bed just as Sam called out for me again.  
“F/N, are you here!?!”  
He was closer now. I put a random pair of shorts on, finding a shirt for Gadreel in the bottom of a drawer and pulling an oversized AC/DC shirt I had borrowed from Dean ages ago over my head. He put his jeans back on as well and followed me out of the room. In the hall, I saw Dean’s bedroom door standing halfway open.  
“Sam! I’m here!” I called, bursting into Dean’s room with Gadreel hot on my heels. What I found stopped me in my tracks. Sam was just laying Dean’s beat-up, lifeless body on the bed. I bit back a sob.  
“Sam, what –“  
“I’m gonna summon Crowley.” Sam interrupted. “This is his fault, and I’ll make him fix it.”  
I just nodded.  
  
I lingered in the background with Gadreel, our fingers intertwined as Sam followed the steps of the summoning ritual. Only, Crowley didn’t show. After several attempts, we gave up and made our way back to Dean’s room, only to find his body gone. A note lay on the bed in his place. After reading, Sam handed it to me and sat on the bed, staring blankly ahead.  
Once I had deciphered the scribbles for myself, the paper slipped from my hand to the floor, and tears flooded my eyes. Gadreel was by my side in the blink of an eye, and I threw my arms around him, clinging to his shape as I cried.  
“What happened?” he asked. “Where is he?”  
“Gone.” I said, then slowly relaying the contents of the note between sobs.  
“I will stand by your side, if you wish. Both of you.” Gadreel stated when I ended.  
Sam looked up at him, doubt in his eyes.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“It is as F/N told me this morning in the car, after you found me. You will fight. Always. I will fight with you, if you let me.”  
I meekly smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. Then I turned to Sam.  
“He’s right, Sammy.” I sniffed. “We will fight. We will find him. He’ll be okay again. You boys always bounce back. It’s a Winchester thing.”  
Sam nodded, doubt still clear on his face. I was not going to let him wallow in it. And, I determined, next chance I got, I would tell Gadreel which part of the song reminded me of him. Tell him he was my phoenix. But for now, we had work to do.  
“Guys.” I said. “Put on your war paint.”

**Author's Note:**

> Found the song? ;)


End file.
